One of the most valuable coaching tips I received as a TEDx speaker is to show, don’t tell, my stories.

The Coach

Kymberlee Weil of Strategic Samurai Speech Coaching

I shared in a previous post my experience as a TedX Camarillo speaker, and I mentioned we had a coach. That coach was Kymberlee Weil of Strategic Samurai. Every one of us who hit that TEDx stage became better presenters thanks to her insights and coaching. That coaching included enhancing the way we delivered our stories. (She offers coaching classes as well as one-on-one coaching. I cannot recommend her enough.)

The Stories

In my talk, I have several stories about my hearing loss journey. One of them is about my skydiving experience. That story is:

I decided to try skydiving at Skyworld ™ at Lake Elsinore, California. I jumped, attached to a ripcord, so the chute automatically opened after free-falling for five seconds. As I was floating down to the ground, the walkie-talkie strapped to my waist chattered at me. No way could I understand anything I heard from it! I wondered if they were giving me any warnings. I wondered if I was floating to the ground too fast and thought that maybe, I SHOULD open my spare chute. I frantically looked at the other parachutes around me; it seemed we were all going at about the same speed. However, I was not entirely sure. Not wanting to appear stupid by opening my spare chute when it was not necessary, and therefore revealing I was half-deaf and couldn’t hear what the walkie-talkie was instructing me to do. I did not open my spare chute. In looking back, I realize I chose DEATH over letting people know I was hearing-impaired.

Another story is about being in a therapist’s office. That story is:

I was 45 years old, sitting in a therapist’s office, seeking help about the many challenges I was struggling with – failing career, relationship issues, substance abuse, depression. The therapist helped me to see that the root of my problem was my denial as to how profound my hearing loss. “what” I told her that was not true. It took her quite a few sessions to help me see that, indeed, because of my denial, I was not fully connecting with people, my world, and I was beginning to experience severe alienation and disconnection. I didn’t have a CLUE where to start. “Just pay attention.” My therapist advised.

Stories – Take Your Audience Along – Show Don’t Tell

Kymberlee wanted me to tell these stories in such a way that the audience could be there; to feel my experiences. That requires showing, not telling. That includes vocal variety and meaningful gestures

Meaningful Gestures

What are meaningful gestures? Meaningful gestures are gestures that support our words. Meaningful gestures require the challenging task of keeping our arms at our side and using them ONLY when gesturing. This is easier said than done! Particularly for those of us who have received our public speaking training through Toastmasters. Since my TEDx experience, I facilitated the start of a Toastmaster club, called Stagemasters, that focuses on the skill sets I learned in my TEDx training. What is so amazing is HOW DIFFICULT it is for us experienced Toastmasters to keep our hands and arms at our side unless performing a meaningful gesture.

Keep your Hands at your Side!

Keeping our hands and arms at our side was one of the very first tips Kymberlee gave the group after she watched us introduce ourselves. In the Stagemasters club, it is astonishing how much more polished and powerful speakers look when they keep their arms and hands at their side. When viewing videos of our members’ progress, you can see in the beginning they almost look like flailing birds! So much unnecessary arm and hand gesturing that distract from the power of the talk. You can see some of my unnecessary gestures in the narrative portions of the video samples. 

Hands down, there is power in practicing the art of meaningful gestures – gestures that SHOW stories, not tell. 

The result

Of the nine speakers at the TEDx event, I was one of two who received a standing ovation. Since then, I have received so many comments about how people connect to my talk. They share that they laugh; they cry. I attribute this to taking my audience along. I didn’t just tell stories; I showed them. 

*photos by TEDx – TEDxCamarillo, Frye Photography

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