Find jokes about the facts of the roastee!

Remember the Myth about Roasts – we are taking a kernel of truth and greatly exaggerating them primarily through the use of jokes.  Above are truths about me.  How about Arnold?

Drawing on the list of things we know about Arnold, minus the two taboo topics, this is what we have to work with:
 -Born in Austria
- Rags to riches
 -Played a terminator
 -Played a barbarian
 -Played a pregnant man
 -Weight Lifter
 -Politician (public speaker)
 -Movie star
 -Champions a healthy lifestyle
 -Governor of California
 -A Republican
 -Married into the Kennedy (Democrat) Family
 -Womanizer
 -Has funny teeth (space between front teeth)
 -Good actor/Poor actor (depending on who you ask!)
 -Likes to play golf
 -Likes to garden
 -Likes to tinker with car engines

Do you think we can find jokes about any of these topics?  I did a Google search on “jokes about weightlifting.”  I found a weightlifting site that had a LONG, LONG list of funny one-liners about how you know when you are a serious weightlifter.  I didn’t get many of them because they were obviously “inside” jokes, but many I did.  So I took some of them and compiled my first roast joke:

Arnold knew he was a serious weight lifter when:

1. His girlfriend had more body hair than he did

2. He had more bikinis than his girlfriend

3. He started lifting earlier than the U.S. military even gets out of bed.

4. When he woke up at 3:00 a.m., he made himself a protein shake.

5. His monthly supplement bill was more than his monthly mortgage.

6. He started to develop face wrinkles from intense grunting and straining

7. He drank more water than a camel in the middle of a drought.

I searched for gardening jokes. How about this, tweaked for Arnold:

“I read an interview where Arnold shared what he does when he gardens:” I make sure I am removing a weed, and not a valuable plant. What I do is pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. “

How about one more – a car joke since he likes to tinker with engines:

I heard that one time Arnold was tinkering with Maria’s car (this is when they first started dating) Maria asked Arnold if his dad was a mechanic.

No. Why do you ask?
Because you have a well-tuned body!

I love that last one; it incorporated his one-time great body AND the fact he liked to tinker with engines. Are these jokes true? OF COURSE NOT. But they were based on kernels of truth. And that is what makes the preparation and delivery of a roast so much fun.